


Trapped in Darkness

by Gavilan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Character Study, Ficlet, Flashbacks, Giving Tony Stark, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hydra (Marvel), Intrusive memories, Literal Sleeping Together, Loving Tony Stark, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Stark Has A Heart, chiaroscuro, welcome to the future, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 03:30:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14155689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gavilan/pseuds/Gavilan
Summary: Bucky is all darkness, caught in the shadows cast by his memories. Tony is his sun.





	Trapped in Darkness

Everyone thinks the nightmares are the worst. Waking up screaming, feeling the blood of his victims on his hands. Shaking and clutching at the sheets, breath in, hold, out, you’re here, it’s over, it’s over. 

But they’re not. Nightmares are done when you wake up. They’re not part of his current life, just little bits of the Soldier, falling through the cracks. The worst is every night laying down to sleep. In between waking and sleeping, there’s no clear cut line between Soldier and Bucky. Every night, lying there in silence, he relives the memories. Not the nightmare memories, the things he did. Just one memory, over and over: the feel of the chair, cracked leather under his bare skin. The icy cold of the join between flesh and metal at his shoulder, fresh out of cryo. The taste of the rubber bite guard, heavy in his mouth. The black halo of the chair descending on him. And then the pain. Memories flashing before him and washing away into a blaze of pain. He screams, in the memory, but in the bed, he just lays there, silent, staring into the darkness. It lasts hours, sometimes. 

The nightmares are easy. 

Tony understands the nightmares. He has his own. He thinks he understands Bucky’s pain. Doesn’t realize he can never come close. But that doesn’t matter. Bucky trusts Tony. Tony’s hands on his arm, quick and gentle and never afraid. Tony’s voice, endless streams of words that Bucky doesn’t have to listen to, just there, just calming. Tony is nice to listen to. Some days, it’s just sound. Some days, he can pay attention to the words, and Tony explains the future to him. More days are meaning days as the months wear on. Bucky thinks he liked science fiction. Tony shows him the new world, but he never presses him to join it. Just lets the words wash over Bucky. Tony is a bright sun touching Bucky’s shadows, inviting Bucky to join him in the sun. 

Kissing Tony is like waking up from a dream. Nothing like a nightmare. Bucky feels alive, feels confident. He’s not stuck in the haze when he’s with Tony. He’s in the light of Tony’s sun, and it feels glorious. He has less nightmares, now. But every night, he lies there and goes back into the chair. It’s been months now, kissing and talking and cuddling, and then more, date nights and making out and sex that makes Bucky feel more alive than he’s ever been. And every time, he kisses Tony goodnight, just as bright as the first time, and goes back to his room. Goes back to the chair. Tony may understand the nightmares, but he doesn’t understand this. Somehow, Tony never pushes. He never asks Bucky for more than he’s capable of giving. He’s as generous with his love as he was with his words. One night, Bucky lays next to Tony, dozing and enjoying the feeling of his lover’s skin against his own. He’ll get up in a minute, he thinks. Go back down to his room. 

He wakes up in the morning, feels Tony warm at his side. But it can’t be morning. He didn’t remember. He didn’t go into the chair. His last memory is of Tony, warm and sleepy at his side, and Tony’s still there, arm tossed over Bucky, leg hitched over his hip, face nuzzled against his neck. He was with Tony, and he didn’t dream. Didn’t relive the memories. Something breaks free inside him, and Bucky is clinging to Tony, tears flowing as he kisses him awake. Tony makes the memories go away. His light sears the shadows out of Bucky. “I’m never letting you go,” Bucky tells Tony, his love, his miracle, and Tony doesn’t understand, not yet, but accepts Bucky’s desperate joy with the same openness as when he gave Bucky his love. Kisses him back till they’re a blissful tangle of tears and skin and love.

The memories might be the worst, but Bucky doesn’t care. He has Tony, now.


End file.
